A friend of mine got engaged after I did. Her ring is bigger, nicer, “blingier” than mine. Mine isn’t all that because I told my then fiance that I’d rather have him save money for a house than buy me a ring which I will probably not wear every day.
A friend of mine has a nicer body. I’m a big girl. She has nice legs, flat stomach and lots of energy. I have none of the above. I have big legs, a round stomach and I loose my breath when I run.
Yes, I admit it’s a disgusting admission but I know I’m not alone.
I have lots of things to appreciate and be thankful for. I have a great husband and a healthy baby.
It’s not that I am not happy for my friends. Of course I am. I, like everyone else, congratulate them all on their successes at work, a new house, a ring, a wedding, a car. I admit though, though, that secretly, it makes me sad and a small voice in the back of my head whispers “ Why not me?” I can almost guarantee that I’m not alone.
Some will say that it is ‘something’ from our childhood, while others believe it is our own insecurities.
I’m not sure which it really is, all I know is that it makes me miserable. Once I found out that my friend bought a house, I immediately wanted to find out what it looks like (thank goodness for FB). I congratulated her of course, but once I turned off the computer, I sat there a minute and a feeling of disappointment came over me. Disappointment over my house not being as big as hers, my kitchen not being as finished as hers, my house costing not nearly as much as hers, my house not being in the town as good as hers. I turned to my husband and expressed my thoughts. His response? “Aren’t you happy with what we have? You’ve worked so hard for it all”. True, I agree with him but I would feel better if I had what she has.
So why do we do this? Why can’t we just let go? Why can’t we be genuinely happy for our friends? Why does it all bother us when others get ahead? Is it human nature to want to be better, smarter, stronger, richer, prettier? Is it society’s doing that we need to be competitive? If we live comfortably, if we are healthy, if we have no worries, why do we get bothered by it?