Here goes: I am often jealous of what others have.
A friend of mine got engaged after I did. Her ring is bigger, nicer, “blingier” than mine. Mine isn’t all that because I told my then fiance that I’d rather have him save money for a house than buy me a ring which I will probably not wear every day.
A friend of mine has a nicer body. I’m a big girl. She has nice legs, flat stomach and lots of energy. I have none of the above. I have big legs, a round stomach and I loose my breath when I run.
Yes, I admit it’s a disgusting admission but I know I’m not alone.
I have lots of things to appreciate and be thankful for. I have a great husband and a healthy baby.
It’s not that I am not happy for my friends. Of course I am. I, like everyone else, congratulate them all on their successes at work, a new house, a ring, a wedding, a car. I admit though, though, that secretly, it makes me sad and a small voice in the back of my head whispers “ Why not me?” I can almost guarantee that I’m not alone.
Some will say that it is ‘something’ from our childhood, while others believe it is our own insecurities.
I’m not sure which it really is, all I know is that it makes me miserable. Once I found out that my friend bought a house, I immediately wanted to find out what it looks like (thank goodness for FB). I congratulated her of course, but once I turned off the computer, I sat there a minute and a feeling of disappointment came over me. Disappointment over my house not being as big as hers, my kitchen not being as finished as hers, my house costing not nearly as much as hers, my house not being in the town as good as hers. I turned to my husband and expressed my thoughts. His response? “Aren’t you happy with what we have? You’ve worked so hard for it all”. True, I agree with him but I would feel better if I had what she has.
So why do we do this? Why can’t we just let go? Why can’t we be genuinely happy for our friends? Why does it all bother us when others get ahead? Is it human nature to want to be better, smarter, stronger, richer, prettier? Is it society’s doing that we need to be competitive? If we live comfortably, if we are healthy, if we have no worries, why do we get bothered by it?
I completely understand what you’re saying–I am always comparing myself to others and then feeling terrible about myself. But…and this is quite difficult…if you can learn to shift your mentality and focus on what makes you happy or achieving goals, you will start to not pay so much attention to the never-ending comparisons that are a part of life. I’ve been doing this (and it’s a struggle…really for me it’s now comparing my life to what I think it should be, which is the worst) and it makes things much more tolerable. Also, and I know this sounds cliche, but: the grass is always greener. We really don’t know what other peoples lives are like if we are not living them, and there are parts of your life (like your wonderful husband and child) that other people could be jealous of too!
That’s true. It’s something that I should be able to do. Staying focused on how to improve my life rather that trying to live someone else’s. I also know, which I probably should have mentioned, that I am extremely lucky to have a life that I have right now. We are all healthy, we have good jobs, my son is growing up to be a smart boy. Three words: I am LUCKY!